the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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