What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
