what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
