White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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