I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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