You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
