He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
