i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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