its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
