I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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