We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
