I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
