You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
