wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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