So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
