But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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