Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
