It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
