Already got asked if we're dating
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
