I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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