No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
