I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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