Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
