I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
