Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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