Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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