JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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