you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
