I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
