That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
