i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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