Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
