When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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