Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
