I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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