you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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