Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
