He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Boobs are out for the taking
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
