It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
