just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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