is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
