Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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