So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
