I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
