i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
