I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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