god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
