I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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