i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
