can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
