It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
