Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
