Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
